Is This Thing On?

Can you hear me?

Damn!! It's been nearly 3 years since I typed some shit out on this blog! 3 years!!??!!? Can that be? I guess it can, because it seems that it is., or something like that.

You would think 3 years would give me an awful lot to write about...Um...Yeah, about that. I'm pretty much still the same fly cat you always knew, yo!

I hang. I eat. I poop. I puke. I meow. You know,

all the fly shit that cats do, I do too.

What I have NOT been doing is sharing my shit with you, and that needs to S.T.O.P. right about now.

I am BACK babies, and better than ever.

Here's a pic of me freaking out the Fat, Bearded, Idiot.

peace out, homies...And I promise to stay in touch!!

I'm A Cat, Get Me Outta Here!!!

How's THAT for a pop culture reference, huh ? Pretty damn sweet.

Just thought I'd drop a line, let you folks know just what the F-U-C-K is goin' on in the World O Fenwick... In a word...Not a fucking thing! Same old shit.

  Wake up.

   Badger the Fat,Bearded Idiot to FEED ME!!!!!!!

   Eat.

   Poop.

   Nap.

   Repeat portions of routine as necessary.

  But I have been thinking about switching things up lately. Maybe get back into my pottery. I gots the free time, right ? Why not crank out some vases and shit ?

  Or maybe I'll go in a new direction....Papier Mache...That would be sweet. I have been thinking a lot about tennis lately, maybe some Papier Mache sculptures of some of the greats of tennis? I like where I'm going with this.

 Excuse me, I got some newspaper to rip up.

'sup, Y'all ?

Wow, it has been awhile, hasn't it ? Makes me think of that Staind song...They were a happy bunch, weren't they ?

 How you beyotches doing ? I'm five by five, you know ? Same ole, same ole.

  You know what, that's not really true. I gots me a problem.

  There is another fucking cat hanging around my yard. Can you BELIEVE that shit ? Who does that little bitch think she is ? She's just lucky that I am not an outdoor cat, or she would be hating life right about now.

  I'm at a loss here. You know what she did yesterday ? I found her sitting right outside the back door ! What the hell is that, huh ? That is a blatant disrespect of my space,and she is soooo lucky that I can't get out of this house.

 I bet she's wandering around out there right now...Peeing on stuff in MY YARD!! I know I can't get out there, but still...That's my stuff! No one should pee on those bushes, but me!!

 I am terribly vexed !!!

I Didn't Even Get A SNIFF of That Motherfucking Turkey!!!!

Can you BELIEVE that shit ?

Not a scrap, not a lick.

What the fuck, man ?

I am speechless. Flabbergasted. Can one be "flabbergasted" ? I think one can, because this one certainly is.

I'm definitely peeing on something now.

Oh, The Indignity....

I realized that I never made good on my promise of pictures of "the shaving" aftermath.
well, here's one. I stole it off the Nice Lady's computer.
This picture is of me when I couldn't really use my back legs...I guess she found that pretty funny, so she snapped a picture of it. Hilarious!! I'll show her...I will have my revenge...You mark my words...

I Think It's Happening Again...

The apartment is starting to fill up with empty boxes.
And I think that probably means we are moving again.
At least I hope it's "we". You never know. I've heard those horror stories of people leaving their beloved pets behind...And I certainly would not put it past that Fat Bearded Idiot to leave me here. And if they do leave me here, you can bet your ass I ain't valiantly trekking across the country to find them. No damn way! I'll find someone else here to take care of me. I can be damn cute and furry if I need to be.
I don't know for sure that we are moving, and if we are, I don't know where to. they did move a couple of boxes the other day, so it could be like that one move in L.A. ,where we just moved across town.
Man, I hope that's it. I do NOT want top deal with another days long trek across this fine country of ours. i just don't think I could take it. Locked in a car with that Fat,Bearded, Idiot singing off-key to anything and everything on the radio. Criminy.
Shit, now all this thinking and worrying has made me tired. Ima have me a nap. I'll do some digging later and get back to you.

Un-Fucking-Believable!

WAIT until you here this bullshit that's going on with me now.

Not to be indelicate, but I was having a bit of an "issue" with my bodily functions...How should I put this...I was pooping pudding ? Does that work for you ? No ? A little too graphic, well it's out there now, so let's just move on, shall we ?
Anyhoo, I was having some diarrhea, and Tuesday night, I kinda decided to shit on the living room carpet. I'm not sure why I did this, maybe I thought it would be funny ? I really don't know. BUT, the Fat,Bearded Idiot apparently HEARD me do this(I heard him say that is sounded like I was trying to get ketchup out of an almost empty squeeze bottle), and came out, chased me around the living room, and locked me in the god-damned KITCHEN!! Can you imagine that ? ME, the F to the E to the N to the W to the I to the C to the K, locked in the mother fucking KITCHEN!?!?!? Well, that shit happened.

So, I decided that i would show him, and I took a few more shits on the floor of the kitchen.

Bad move on my part. This, apparently, made them both CONCERNED about me, and the Nice Lady did the unthinkable- SHE CALLED THE VET!!!!

Then, I was stuffed in a box, and dropped off at that sadists' office. They poked at me, so I hissed at them, so they doped me up. I don't remember much after that.

But get this, I woke up, and they had SHAVED me !!!! Can you believe that shit ? I still have my "mane" as they call it, and they left my tail and my legs- but I feel so NAKED !!

But guess what ? That's not the worst of it. Right now, I cannot stand up. My motherfucking back legs are not working at all.Well, that's not true. i can move them, I just can't stand up on them. It's weird.

I have been listening to the conversations, and this is what I have pieced together. I have bad hairballs(no, not hairy balls, wiseassses- hairballs-in my stomach), and they have caused gastritis. So, they shaved me top prevent the hairballs. I have to take all this medication, and my legs are screwy because of the sedation. I should have my legs back by the end of the day.

Can you say shitty week ?

DAMN !!!!!

P.S.- I'll have pictures later.